


I'll be home (for Christmas)

by Morethancupcake



Series: Home is wherever I'm with you [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Chance Meetings, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Good John Winchester, Growing Up, Home for Christmas, Jealous Dean, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 21:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8912551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: "Cas was mine, Mom." He can feel his voice shake, and it's hard to see the knife through his tears. He doesn't know why he's crying now. He doesn't know why suddenly everything seems so important. "It was my job to take care of him, and I let him down."Years after moving away, Dean is back from Christmas. And while he's happy to see his family, he's not ready for what he feels for Castiel.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays ! 
> 
> As usual, please remember English isn't my first language before you start to nag about the typos. 
> 
> No beta, because I don't want to annoy my beta at the moment.
> 
> The serie will regroup all of my Christmas writings for this year, and not only stories for this particular verse.

Coming back is weird.

Not bad, no. Mom hugs him and holds his face, drinking him in. Dad hugs him too, eyes a little misty. Even Sammy hugs him, before they start to mess around and laugh.

It's good to be home, it is. But it's weird.

 

The old house looks so familiar it hurs, but there are some small changes, and they hurt even more. 

He tries to joke, to ask Sammy what the girls think of him still living with his parents, but it's hollow, it's stupid because he knows Sammy doesn't care, he knows he moved back to be with his family, and they're all pretty happy here.

Dean's room is now an office, and he puts his bag next to the small couch, trying not to feel sad about the walls now buttercup yellow, and the blue carpet gone.

 

"We missed you, son." Uncle Bobby comes over for dinner, and Dean realizes how big of a deal it is, for them, to see him back, even for a few weeks.

He regrets never picking up his phone, he regrets not sending a damn postcard, he regrets all the stupid excuses he found over the years.

 

Mom makes lasagna, and pie. They all laugh and chatter, and Dean feels like an intruder. He doesn't get their jokes, he doesn't understand some of their words. It's like he's a stranger, suddenly.

He sleeps in the guest room, and has to ask help working the fancy new shower.

 

It's weird.

 

Coming back wasn't part of the plan. The plan was to stay in the city, and head over to a coworker's for a small party. Nothing fancy, just a few friends, some booze and good food.

But the ex-wife had called, and Dean knows Viktor is happy, trying to get things right with his ex wife, spending the Holidays with his children.

 

Sharing a bathroom with his family and helping peel potatoes wasn't part of any plan, but he didn't mind. It was fun.

 

On Friday night, Mom and Dad leave for date night, still disgustingly cute. Dean figures it means bonding time with his little brother, and starts to browse the pizza selection, when Sammy appears at the kitchen door, all dolled-up and ready to leave.

"Hot date, Sammy ?"

"Well..." he pushes his hair away from his face and smiles, a little shy. "Actually yes. Usually on Friday we try to catch a movie."

"Good, yeah. Good." Dean remembers the awkward teenager who was too scared to look at girls. "Tell her I said hello, and I'm free if she's bored."

Sammy doesn't roll his eyes. He doesn't moan like he used to. It hits him than Sammy is a man, an attractive and successful one. 

"I'll tell him you said that. I'm sure he'll find it funny."

 

Dean finds an old pack of ramen, and half a bag of barbecue chips. He watches some stupid horror movies and tries not to think too much.

 

The Christmas tree mocks him in the corner.

 

On Saturday, he wakes up feeling greasy and gross and after a quick shower he actually goes for a run. Not that it works that well, he's dramatically out of shape, but it feels at least a little better than to spend another day inside.

Even Dad started to notice his bad mood, and he isn't ready to talk yet.

He passes some houses, and heads to the forest. He doesn't remember the last time he came home. He remember sending flowers for Dad's operation. He couldn't get time off work at that point. He had called a few times, when Dad's best friend had been diagnosed with cancer, sending him back into his bad habits.

It's been a while.

He runs past Charlie's house, wondering if she's still making it big in L.A. He passes the Tran's house, and stops next to what used to be the Novak's garden.

It's almost surreal, watching the neighborood. He remembers picking up Sammy after his D&D marathons with Kevin, Cas and Gabe. He remembers Mrs Tran's lunch boxes when Mom had been too busy between a recovering husband and her shifts. He remembers Chuck, Cas' and Gabe's dad, his goofy smiles when they were all having sleepovers at the house.

It feels like a lifetime ago. He remembers the nights playing on Luke's old Megadrive, Dad having to drive Cas to the ER to get stitches because Mike got angry and had thrown his coffee cup at him, and Mike's tears in the waiting room. He remember telling Chuck in between sobs about the cat on the side of the road, and he remembers popsicles while reading comics.

 

He runs back home, and goes straight for a hot shower.

 

Dad takes him for lunch on Sunday. Sammy is still at his boyfriend's, somewhere, and Mom off to spend some time with her friends.

It's weird, to see his dad order a vegetable omelette and tea, but it feels nice, to be back at the Roadhouse. Ellen stops and hugs him, asks a few questions then leaves to see to her other customers.

"Jo leaft a few months ago. Heard she's rooming with the Bradbury girl in the big city." Dad smiles. "This girl was head over heels for you, remember ?"

"Dad. We were what, twelve ?"

"You, sure. She still had her eyes on you for quite a while." Dean studies his Dad. His hair had more than a little white going, and his laugh lines stays even when he's not laughing.

Dean feels scared, suddenly. Scared he'll never get to enjoys his Dad before it's too late.

"And what about Sammy ? Who's the lucky guy ? Anyone I know ?"

"Well, him and Gabe are pretty serious. He had always been soft of your little brother, even when you were kids." And from the lifted eyebrows and the tone, Dean gets he should've known this. Apparently it's old news for anyone except him.

"I guess Sammy never mentioned..." Dean frowns but it soon turns into a small smile. "Sammy and Gabe, wow. So the Novaks are still there ? I ran past their house yesterday."

"Still there. Old Chuck still teaches and writes. Luke and Mike are deputies, believe it or not. Gabe owns our bakery. And Cas is following his father's footsteps. Your mother read his book. Said it was pretty good."

"Cas ? My Cas ?" He isn't sure just why he said it, it's been years, again, he can't remember the last time he spoke to Cas. But yeah, if Gabe had decided Sammy was his favorite pretty early, Dean had found himself enamoured with the tiny bean that was Cas when they were pretty young too. Cas was his, the same way the sky was blue and Mom made the best apple pie. 

"Well, not sure about that." Dad smiles and finishes his tea. "He's back at the old house, you should call him."

"Yeah. Yeah, maybe."

 

Dean knows he won't.

 

He isn't sure when it was, but he remembers clearly why Cas stopped talking to him. He remembers blowing him to see girls, to party. He remembers Cas' eyes, hurt and angry, always waiting for him, always at the recieving end of his lame excuses. 

And yeah, he remembers ditching him to hang out with girls passing during the summer, he remembers leaving him at the movie theater to talk to pretty things. 

He remembers Cas shutting him out the last time, not even angry anymore, just fed him with him.

"Are you mad at me, Cas ?" Dean had never ben scared of losing Cas. Cas was his. "Come on, I'll buy you ice cream, see you in the morning, okay."

Dean had been distracted in the morning, and this whole summer had passed in a haze of kissing girls, movies at the drive in, and barbecue with Lisa and her friends. At the end of it, Cas wasn't coming over anymore, and wasn't paying attention when Dean was calling him to tell him about Lisa.

 

Dean knows now he had been a pretty shitty friend. His adult self still feels a little ashamed at the way he had ditched his best friend to hang out with his first girlfriend, and no matter what he tried to tell himself over the year, it had been cowardise that had kept him from reaching out. Cowardise, and pride, and hurt, too, knowing his friends had adjusted without him, knowing his little brother was having a life, knowing everyone was still having fun, just without him. It had sucked, big time.

Maybe that's why he had followed Lisa on a whim, packing everything away in Baby and leaving after a fight with Dad. Maybe that's why he had let time pass, and tried to build something in another small town, even after Lisa had left, after he had realized bounty hunting was not for him. 

 

He's lost in his thought, not for the first time since he came home, and that's probably why he bumps into the man walking past him, almost crashing into the snow piled in the pavement.

"Well, are you alright here ?" Dean recognizes the uniform, before he recognizes the man. Luke Novak still looks at him like he wants to kill him, but he smiles and hands out his hand. "Dean Winchester, what a surprise !" The men following are of course the entire Novak family, and Dean feels himself blush a little when he notices his brother, hands locked with Gabe, smiling at him.

"Guys, hi." Chuck looks older, but pretty happy with his boys, and he hugs Dean for a few seconds, asking him about life and work. Mike smiles and shakes his hand but stays silent.

Cas is the last to talk. He looks older, obviously, but that's not it. If watching Sammy was a surprise, Dean almost swallows his tongue because Cas is without a doubt a man. A smoking hot man, his mind supplies. 

"Cas. Dad told me you were back in town." Cas' smile is a little cold, and a lot fake. Dean remembers Cas' wrath. He remembers how quick to judge he had been growing up, and how easy it had been for him to write off people from his life. Not that Dean hadn't deserved it.

"Yeah. Sammy told us you were back too." It goes to awkward territory, and Dean hates his life suddenly. He can hear the others chatting and laughing, and he notices Cas' nice fancy coat, the way they all seem so happy to be together today.

"We were going to grab some coffee and then hit the market, Dean. Care to join us ?" Chuck looks happy to see him, and Dean wants nothing more than to say yes.

So he does.

 

It's not that bad.

It's actually pretty fun.

Dean can't help but feel happy. The air isn't that cold, and everything smells like hot chocolate and the mulled wine they all ordered. 

It's lonely, though. 

Sammy and Gabe are obviously having a good time, and if Dean wasn't wallowing in his own pity party, he would feel happy for his little brother. Gabe buys him sweets, and brushes the sugar from his face, and even if their height difference is laughable, Gabe manages to make Sammy look small and cherished when they kiss. Which is disgusting. Sweet, but disgusting.

Luke and Mike are having a heated argument about a TV Show and Cas seems to be the voice of reason, preventing them from killing each other in front o the whole town.

 

"It never changes, uh ?" Chuck waits for him, and his smile brings back a lot of memories. It's not the first time they all came to the market. It's the first time Dean feels like an intruder.

"Yeah, it's funny." Dean sips at his drink. "Time flies. And before you know it you're in a guest room at your parent's house."

"John and Mary are excited to see you, I'm sure." Chuck looks at his sons. "The first week Cas came back, I would wake up in the middle of the night just to check and see if he was okay. No matter the years, he's still my little boy. You'll always be your parents' baby."

"I guess so." 

They walk silently, watching the boys in front of them. Dean is having a good time, he is. They take pictures with Santa, all of them, and Chuck asks for a copy just for John and Mary's fridge. It's like the old days, it's Gabe making fun of him, even if it's not exactly right, it's good.

He's almost sad when it starts to get too cold, and when it's obviously time for everyone to go. he's not in a hurry to actually go home, and he wonders if he'll just hit the bar in town when he catches a conversation between his brother and Cas, and hears that he'll walk back home.

"I can join you ?" Cas looks at him for a handful of seconds, not sure what to do with his offer. "I don't really want to go home just yet and watch my parents being all cute."

"Of course, then." Cas' smirk is different. Hell, was Cas such a beautiful guy before ? Dean isn't sure, and it makes him blush a little to notice.

 

The walk is silent, for a long handful of minutes. Cas doesn't seem in any hurry to say anything, so Dean tries.

"Dad said you wrote a book ?"

"I did, yes." Cas sighs. "I got lucky, I suppose. I enjoy writing. What about you ? Your brother never mentioned anything ?"

"Yeah, uh. I work for a big company. Nothing fancy, I coordinate the maintenance." Cas actually looks interested, so he adds. "I took a few classes, here and there. It's a nice job, I get to work with my own team, it's nice."

"I'm glad. You look like you're enjoying it."

"Meh. It's work." Dean smiles. "It's nothing fancy, but it keeps me busy."

The silence isn't nearly as uncomfortable. 

"I heard you and Lisa broke up." Dean doesn't make a face, but it's a near thing. "I'm really sorry. We weren't close enough for me to reach out, but."

"You were my best friend, Cas." Dean smile, and shrugs. "But yeah, we broke up pretty fast after moving out. But it's for the best. She's a great girl, and she's got a boy and a husband now."

"That's great." Cas' doesn't comment or offers any more information, so Dean fishes. 

"What about you ? Any anything going on ?"

"Not really." Cas' frowns a little and shakes his head. "I date a little, you remember Zeke, maybe ?" Dean nods. "We dated for a while. It was nice, I guess. But no. Nothing for a while."

"Oh. Oh." 

That's all he has to say, apparently. Cas doesn't seem to mind. They're almost at the house, anyway. He's still trying to come up with something, anything to say when Cas stops and smiles.

"Well it's good to see you, Dean. Happy Holidays."

"Yeah. Yeah, you too."

 

Fuck.

 

He asks Mom. 

Because she notices something's on his mind immediately. She sends Dad away with some warm tea, and asks Dean to help with the chopping. It's just like old time, and it doesn't take long for him to spill his guts while murdering a bag of carrots.

Mom doesn't look at him. She doesn't comment. When Dean finally stops, she asks :

"And you're upset because...?"

"Because Cas was my best friend. My best friend, and he told me we weren't close enough for him to reach out. All because of me. I had to learn tonight that he's gay. He never told me anything about that. Why ? He should've told me. I should've been there for him."

"You made it pretty clear you weren't interested in them." Dean opens his mouth to protest, but she shushes him with a kind smile. "And it's okay, Dean. Boys mature differently. You were very interested in girls. Very." She pushes, just to make him blush. "And you didn't want to hang out with your friends. They were younger. It happens."

"But I was cas' best friend. And I hurt him."

He can feel her eyes on him. Dean knows his Mom wondered at one point, if his heart was at the right place. Hell, Dean still wonders, sometimes. 

"Dean. You were a kid. A wonderful, loud, amazing boy. But still just a boy."

"Cas was mine, Mom." He can feel his voice shake, and it's hard to see the knife through his tears. He doesn't know why he's crying now. He doesn't know why suddenly everything seems so important. "It was my job to take care of him, and I let him down."

"Baby..." 

 

Mom still smells like honeysuckle, after all this time. Her skin is so soft when Dean pushes his face in her neck and tries to get a grip.

 

"You should tell him." Dean is outside, with a cup of herbal tea, when his Dad comes close. He stopped smoking right before surgery, but he still comes out at night, taking a few minutes to himself. "You should tell Cas how you feel. Apologize."

"You heard that, uh ?"

"Son, this house isn't as big as you'd like to think it is." Dean hides his smile into his cup. "I remember you and Cas. You loved that boy, did you."

"Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"So tell him you're sorry. Invite him, go get a drink and try to have a good time. You'll leave soon, don't leave with regrets."

 

He'll leave soon.

 

Dean wakes up at seven, and spends a little time thinking. From his nest under the covers, he can hear is brother in the shower, and his Dad getting ready for work. Mom is moving pots in the kitchen, probably packing a few things for lunch, and Dean feels a pang of longing, a pang of hurt.

He doesn't want to go back to the city. He doesn't want to go back to his job, and his coworkers.

And something must show when he finaly gets to the kitchen because even Sammy frowns and looks at him, not bothering with his oatmeal anymore.

"I think I want to move back." The silence is deafening, so he adds. "I'll see if I can find a room in town. I have some money left. More than enough."

"What are you talking about ?" Dad smiles and goes back to his bowl. "We'll get your bed back from the storage. Might need a new mattress. We'll see."

"I can put my stuff away." Sam polishes his bowl and leaves it in the sink. "I'm always working at Gabe's anyway, and he won't mind, I'm sure."

Dean giggles. He hides his face in his hand and giggles, because it feels so good to be home.

 

"Just like that ?" he asks his Mom, who kisses his cheeks when she leaves.

"Just like that."

 

It takes him five tries to call Cas. He chickens out everytime, and actually yelps when his phone starts to ring back.

 

Cas looks a little puzzled by his invitation, and when he mentions the trouble he's having with his heating system, Dean offers his services and heads to the Novak's house.

It still smells the same, like laundry soap and pine tree, and Dean feels, once again, melancholy over the years lost.

 

The problem isn't that mch of a deal, and Dean manages to get everything to work properly in less than an hour. Cas finally takes off the huge scarf and the sweater, and looks relieved.

"I wasn't ready to go over to the coffee shop again. I don't work well over there."

"I bet. Is Benny still working the coffee machine ?" Dean remembers Benny. He remembers the way Benny and Cas always were at each other's throat. 

"He's on holidays, and it doesn't feel right to be there when he isn't." Dean's so surprised it must shows, because Cas smiles. "Benny and I dated for three years. We even lived together for a while."

"You, but, how ? Why ?" Cas has the nerves to laugh. "I mean you guys used to hate each other !"

"I was fifteen, Dean." Cas hands him a cup of coffee, and Dean is too bewildered to thank him. He burns his tongue and curses under his breath. "After I came out, I went alone to a bar, scared shitless, and he was there. We realized we had more in common that we thought."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Cas' eyes are far away. "You missed a lot of things, I suppose. But you are here to stay ?" 

It sounds like a question, and Dean nods.

 

They order in and spend the afternoon watching Christmas movies. It's comfortable, and Dean feels at ease for the first time in years. He doesn't have to pretend here. He doesn't have to play a part, pretend not to be the dumb kid, pretend to be someone he isn't. Cas offers him some sweatpants, and they eat cold dumplings when they start to get hungry again.

"If this isn't Winchester." Luke smiles at them from the door, putting his jacket away. "You guys are having a sleepover ?"

"Yes, and you're not invited !" Cas throws him a dumpling he catches with his mouth and they both start to laugh. Dean missed the Novaks. He missed the easy banter and the jokes. "What do you think ?" Cas nudges his tigh with his toes. "You want us to get the couch ready for you ? Or should I drive you home ?"

 

The drive back is nice. It's not that far, but with the snow, Dean is actually relieved not to have to walk in the dark. Cas' car is nice. Expensive. Dean tries not to stare, but with just the lights from outside, Cas' profile is even more attractive, and Dean feels himself nursing a crush rapidly growing out of proportion.

When the car stops, and before they even start to say goodbye, he rushes.

"I wanted to apologize." The blue eyes look a little surprised. "I mean. For when we were kids. The way I treated you. It wasn't right. I mean. You were important to me. You are. And I dumped you for girls and I really feel like an ass."

"You were." Cas looks guarded. Not at all the same man who was laughing all afternoon.

"I miss you. I know it sounds so selfish, because I just come back, and I don't expect you to just jump back into being my best friend, but I missed you so much, Cas."

"You did ?" He does't sound convinced. If anything, Cas looks young, and hurt. "Well, too bad." It's all bravado, Dean knows, but it hurts anyway. They're not grown men but two kids fighting suddenly. Fighting a fight brewing for years.

"I know I don't deserve you, but..."

"You damn right you don't !" Cas' eyes are filled with tears, and he sounds so mad. "I can't remember how many afternoons I spent in front of my house waiting for you. How many times I waited in front of the cinema, only to go alone or bike home."

"I'm so sorry." 

"And what am I supposed to do with that ?" Cas is yelling, and Dean knows his eyes are red and filled with the same tears. "I think, I think you should get out of the car." Cas' hides his face in his hands. He's trying to calm himself, and Dean wants to hug him, to tell him it's going to be okay. "I'm sorry, I guess seeing you again brought back a lot of memories. It was stupid, we were kids..."

Dean doesn't let him finish and hugs him.

 

It's like the old times. Cas fits perfectly in his arms. Dean holds him close, and whispers nonsense to him and Cas cries.

 

"I'm not sure why I feel like that around you." says Cas, voice heavy with sleep. Dean hears the whisper of the sheets, he closes his eyes and imagine there isn't a phone between them. "I feel like I'm thirteen all over again. I kind of hate it."

 

It takes all his courage to ask Sammy.

"Do you know about Benny and Cas ?" Sammy looks up from his papers and waits. It's late enough that Mom and Dad are already sleeping, but Sammy is still working, and Dean stays at his door, watching him sip from a mug. "Like... why they didn't make it ? Were they good ?"

"Yeah..." Sammy obviously feels uncomfortable with the subject, but seems to figures Dean is allowed to know. "I mean at some point they talked about getting married. They were cute together."

"But...?"

"But I don't know. They used to fight. A lot. And one day they told us they weren't going to make it. Cas moved all the way to New York for a while. Benny seemed pretty shaken after that."

"You think they still love each other ?" It hurts something in Dean's ribcage. He knows it has nothing to do with the crush he had on Benny, and everything to do with the smell of Cas, still on his jacket. 

"No. I don't think so." Sammy smiles at him, and Dean blushes because his little brother is seeing right through him. "Benny is dating a woman, now, and they're pretty happy. Cas is dating too, and they're friends. It's good."

"So..."

"So if you want to ask Cas out, you should. Definitely." Dean tries to protest but Sammy laughs. "Dean it's so obvious. The way you blush and watch him like he's an angel. It's so sweet, everyone noticed."

"I... I don't."

"You do. You do. You have this little smile whenever he says something, and it's adorable, really."

"What the..."

"Dean." Dean stops at that, because Sammy looks serious. "You know I'm happy you're back, right ?"

"Yeah."

"You and Cas. It's so difficult to admit ?"

"No..." Dean finally sits on his brother's bed. It feels odd to be there. No posters on the walls, no more toys, and comics on the floor. "I dated a few guys, back home. It's not an issue."

"So what ?" He offers Dean is mug, and the hot chocolate is actually nice. The house is under a very strict no alcohol rule, and Dean notices how he doesn't miss his usual nightcap.

"I just realized, I guess. How much I love him." He feels the heat under his skin, and hurries. "And it's stupid, because I've seen him a couple of times, but the more I see him, it's like the same Cas, but, now, I... I just love him."

"And why is that bad ?"

"I don't know." He takes another sip. "I'm scared."

 

Cas isn't free for the rest of the week. Dean doesn't mind, he uses his time to figure out what exactly he's going to do. He writes a long email to his boss, and spends a long time on the phone with him. They're good people, they understand when he tells them about his parents, about the need to be close to them. They talk about what he can and cannot do, and he does actually feel better after.

He then calls his landlord, and explains the situation.

When his Mom knocks at the door to ask if he wants to share a cup of coffee, he's making a list of the things he'll have to get rid of.

He feels lighter.

 

"So..." He feels a little shy when he asks. "What are your plans for Christmas ?"

Cas is watching the swans, lost in thoughts. It had seemed like a good idea, at first, driving to the lake. But the wind is freezing, and Dean can't actually feel his toes. 

"We'll have dinner at the house. Then probably a whole day of food coma and gifts. The usual. What about you ?"

"The same. Kind of." Dean puts the beanie he was keeping in his jacket on his head. "Mom wants us to have a big lunch on Christmas day. We'll probably just have a small thing in front of TV for Christmas Eve. It's weird, it's been a while for me."

"I remember when I was in New York. I worked for Christmas. I was miserable." Cas never mentions New York, and Dean knows better than to ask. "I called Mike and cried on the phone."

 

They walk around and talk. Dean tells him about his plans, and how he'll have to find a job pretty soon. Cas tells him about his new book, and the research.

They walking back to the car when Dean finds the courage to slot their fingers together.

Cas doesn't jerk his hand away. 

 

It takes him two days to find the courage to ask Cas on a date.

A real date.

 

He's so nervous when Cas comes over to pick him up he feels like he's going to puke all over the kitchen, and Sammy doesn't make fun of him. That's how bad it is.

They go to the small Italian restaurant in town. Dean spots at least three people from high school watching them, but then Cas brushes his fingers over his, and he doesn't care.

Cas kisses his cheek when they part, and Dean blushes so hard he has to wait before facing his family, suspiciously waiting for him in front of an old movie.

 

Dean takes him to a bar in town. A fancy thing, with fancy cheeses and fancy breads on wooden board and wine's name he can't read properly. Cas smiles at him, at the fairy lights and their ridiculously big glasses. 

People are looking at them, because they're two men, but also because he knows they make quite a couple. He's vain enough to know how good looking he is, and Cas is... he is.

Cas tastes like walnut and red wine, when they kiss for the first time, sweet and almost chaste.

 

It's nice, and sweet. It can't last.

Cas asks when they're back from the movies, his car parked in front of the Winchester's house.

It was a nice movie, and Dean had enjoyed it, almost as much as the candies they had shared, and Cas' hand in his.

"Dean, what are we doing ?" Cas looks bashful, cheeks a little red. "I don't understand what's happening and..."

"We're dating ?" Dean smiles and slides so he can touch Cas. He kisses his cheek once, twice. "I thought it was obvious. I want to spend time with you."

"Why ?" 

"Because I want to be your boyfriend, potato." Cas laughs at the insult. It was their favorite, when they were kids. Cas would dissolve in laughter everytime. "I want to."

"That's what I want, too."

 

I should concern him, how childish that sounds. It should concern him, how young he feels.

They kiss in the car, lazy and nice, until Dad comes to knock and tell them to get inside the house before they both catch a cold.

 

They both sleep on the couch. Again, it should concern him, but it doesn't because it's far from the first sleepover they had over the years. Cas borrows clothes from Dad, because nothing from Sammy would fit, and they all eat in the kitchen, big bowls of soup with too much cheese and croutons. Cas looks right, at the table, Dean decides. He looks right here, like he belongs.

He tells him, when they're both in the dark, facing each other.

Dean kisses his forehead, like he used to years ago. He kisses his cheek, and his jaw. He kisses the tip of his nose, and then his lips. 

Cas tastes like toothpaste, and right.

 

CODA

 

In the morning, Dean blurts it because it worries him. And he's not good with relationship, apparently. 

Cas is drinking his coffee slowly, writing a few ideas on his phone when it all goes :

"We are exclusive." Cas' eyes are almost... amused ? So Dean goes on, stubbornly fixing the pan on the stove. "We are serious. Together. Only. No other people."

"I'm glad we agree."

"And, I mean. I want us to exchange gifts, even if they're rubbish. And I want to spend more time with you."

"Yes, Dean."

"Yes ?"

"Yes."

 

He's safe in Cas' arms when he adds. "You're not allowed to tell your brothers how uncool I am."

The bastard just laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !! I hope you liked it :) if so, please consider leaving kudos and a comment ? It means a LOT to me.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr (where you can of course ask me stuff, you'll never know i might even WRITE something).
> 
> http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/154689136729/ill-be-home-for-christmas
> 
> Please (if you're still reading this) take time to stretch a little, and drink water (computer actually dries you out, it's not me it's science). It's time to remember your meds if you need to, and to consider a snack. Or a nap. Or both. Both is good.
> 
> Happy Holidays.


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